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My Story - by Jane
Why am I here? What’s the point of life if one day we die? Why have I got an emptiness inside which no one or no thing can fill?
Theses were some of the questions I used to ask myself, but I never found the answers. I didn’t find the answer in a boyfriend, a job, having lots of possessions or through drinking lots of alcohol with my mates. Can you identify with some of this? If so, read on….
Since my early teens I had been searching to fill the void inside me. I had no self-confidence but I found that through getting drunk I had all the confidence I needed, especially with boys. However, after years of heavy drinking all it did was make me even more depressed; the hangovers were worse too.
I did many things whilst drunk that I was ashamed of when sober, the worst being having a "one night stand" and getting pregnant. I quickly had an abortion – it was horrible. I married and divorced, lived with a man and had lots of other relationships but love seemed to elude me. During the time I was so unhappy I started to cut my arms with a razor blade, the emotional relief was enormous. One night I took an overdose but was rescued in time.
I now realise that I didn’t really want to die; I just did not know how to go on living. HELP!!!
A turning point for me was meeting my present husband. I fell deeply in love for the first time and we are still happily married. For a few years I was content but soon began questioning the meaning and purpose of life again.
Suddenly, when I was forty, both my grandmothers died within months of each other. On the eve of the first funeral I was talking to my boss at work. He could see that I was upset but he said something really weird! Had I got a Bible, if so read John 14!
Next morning I had ten minutes to wait before setting off and this thought popped in to my head – to read this John 14. I knew I had a Bible somewhere so I found it and began searching. Anyway I couldn’t find it and it was time to go.
Saying goodbye to my Nan made me cry, but, as I stood there looking at the coffin, this feeling of absolute peace came upon me. It started from the top of my head and went right down my body. Wow, it was amazing! When I got back to work my boss got his Bible and showed me John 14 and this is what it said: "do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. There are many rooms in my Father’s house and I am going there to prepare a place for you, if this were not so I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready I will come and get you so that you will always be with me, where I am." Wow! So death isn’t the end; we live on, but how? Where?
I decided to go to church and find out. However I only remembered boring sermons, loud organ music and miserable looking people from previous visits, so when my boss said his church had a good band and was very friendly I cheered up a bit and went along to see for myself. He was right; who would have thought that church could be a pleasurable experience?
After a few months I did what’s called an Alpha course; it explores the meaning of life and introduces you to Jesus Christ. I met Him in a big way and it changed my life for ever! He was the answer to my questions and my life’s search. Another bit of the Bible says: "God so loved the world that he gave His Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life".
Who is God? He is the one who created us and everything else in the universe. He created us to lavish His love on us, but I learned that he wants us to love Him back and be in a relationship with Him. Why doesn’t this happen automatically when we are born? Why don’t we know God straightaway? Well, this is what I learned.
Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, lived in perfect harmony with God and all of creation; everything was made good, the Bible says. There was no death and no pain, even all the animals lived side by side with each other. There was only one thing that God prohibited : "eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" but they were tempted to believe that if they ate the fruit they would not die but become like God himself, knowing all things……very bad move!
This is called "The Fall". At this time their, and consequently our, relationship with God was broken. Doing things our own way in direct opposition to what God wants for us is called "sin". You see only he knows what’s best for us. Why wouldn’t He, when He created us?
I learned that when man sinned not only did death and suffering enter the world but there was a terrible price to pay. The Bible says that the wages of sin is death and eternal separation from God; that’s really harsh isn’t it? WHY?
Because God is holy and righteous he cannot stand to look at sin (greed, lust, anger, jealousy, pride, hatred, etc). These things not only harm us, they harm others too. If you don’t believe this, just open your daily newspaper to see how we treat each other…not very nice, is it? Thank goodness that God loves us so much that he started a rescue mission to bring us all back into a relationship with Him….Now for some good news.
Go back to the Bible where it says: "for God so loved the world". It mentions the Son. Who is the Son? The Son is Jesus and He is God’s rescue plan for mankind. Jesus took our sin upon Himself and paid our debt (the wages of sin is death). He died in our place upon the cross: Jesus paid, we go free….Wow!
You see, although he died for our sin, God then raised Him back to life, to prove that death was conquered once and for all. Anyone who believes this will not die (and be eternally separated from God in a place the Bible calls Hell) but will live with God into eternity, in a place the Bible calls "Heaven".
AS well as forgiveness of all our sins in the past, present and future, Jesus sets us free to live life to the full. We receive healing from every hurt, either done to us or by us and suddenly we have peace as we start allowing Him to take our burdens and problems………………..we are not on our own any more.
You may be thinking this is too good to be true but the Bible tells us that it is a free gift from God. Isn’t there anything we have to do? Yes, we do have to be sincerely sorry that we have offended God by our sins and ask His forgiveness, then we must decide to make Him Lord in our lives and live according to His will for us. God knows we cannot accomplish this on our own, so he gives us the Holy Spirit to come and live in our hearts. He is our helper, comforter, supporter and friend. It’s His power that enables us to live our new life for God. Isn’t that amazing?
I’ve mentioned the Bible a lot; this is because it’s God’s word given to direct and guide us in our everyday lives. Reading the word of God lets us get to know Him in a personal way. Also we can talk to God, after all he is our Father.
So here I am, nine years after giving my life over to Jesus. It has been the best thing I ever did. Yes, I still have problems, who doesn’t, but in every situation I have the assurance that if I commit all things to Him He will work for the good on my behalf, no worries, sorted. I have His joy, love and peace in my heart…… it’s good news isn’t it? That’s why I’m telling you.
Do you want what I’ve got? Really want to know Jesus for yourself? You have just made a life changing decision, congratulations! If you’re not sure, well that doesn’t change the fact that God loves you and will continue to reach out to you, but remember that one day it might be too late. Why not re-read this article and then ask God to reveal Himself to you?
For those who are ready to give their lives to Jesus, get somewhere quiet and pour your heart out to Him. It is something personal, just between you and your maker, but it could go something like this….
"Jesus, I know I am a sinner, I am sorry that I have lived life my own way without you. Please come into my heart by your Holy Spirit, forgive my sins and wash me clean. I want to make you Lord in my life.
Thank You Jesus,
If you want to know more, write to me (Jane W).